Sometimes parents deliberately shame their children into minding without realizing the disruptive impact shame can have on the child’s sense of self. Statements such as “You should be ashamed of yourself” or “shame on you” or “you’re not good enough” are obvious examples. Yet, because these kinds of statements are overtly shaming, they are actually easier for the child to defend against than more subtle forms of shaming such as contempt, humiliation and public shaming. For example, behaviour that is acceptable at home is suddenly seen by parents as bad when they are in public. Or a parent seems to be ashamed because a child is not adhering to certain social norms that he is completely unaware of. Such comments as “stop that, you’re embarrassing me in front of everyone” not only cause a child to feel exposed, judged, and shamed, but also burden him with his parents’ shame as well.
There are many ways that parents shame their children such as belittling, blaming and disabling expectations;
- Belittling: comments such as “you’re just a crybaby” or “other kids are better than you” are horribly humiliating to a child. When a parent makes a negative comparison between his child and another, such as, “why don’t you be like that child, they don’t cry all the time”, it is not only humiliating but also teaches a child to always compare himself with everyone around him, and find himself less worthy.
- Blaming: when a child makes a mistake, such as accidentally hitting a ball through a neighbour’s window, he needs to take responsibility. But many parents go way beyond teaching the child a lesson by blaming their children: “you stupid idiot! you should have known better than to play so close to the house! now I’m going to have to pay for that window. do you think money grows on trees? I don’t have enough money to constantly be cleaning up your messes!” All this accomplishes is to shame the child to such an extent that he cannot find a way to walk away from the situation with his head held high. Blaming the child like this is like rubbing his nose in the mess he made, and it produces intolerable shame that he may be forced to deny responsibility or find ways of excusing it.
- Disabling expectations: appropriate parental expectations serve as necessary guides to behaviour and are not disabling. Disabling expectations, on the other hand, involve pressuring a child to excel or perform a task, a skill, or an activity. Parents who have an inordinate need to have their children excel are likely to behave in ways that pressure a child to do more and more. According to Kaufman, when a child becomes aware of the real possibility of failing to meet parental expectations, he or she often experiences a blinding self-consciousness – the painful watching of oneself – that is very disabling. When something is expected of us in this way, attaining the goal is made harder, if not impossible. Yet, another way that parents induce shame in their children is by communicating to them that they are a disappointment. Such messages as “I can’t believe you turned out to be like this” or “I am deeply disappointed in you”, accompanied by a disapproving tone of voice and facial expression, can crush a child’s spirit.
Information reference: Book, ‘STRESS AND HOW TO AVOID IT’ by Dr Tom Stuttaford, pages 53-55.
25 Extremely Inspirational Quotes With Beautiful HD Images To Remember
Here I put together 25 different quotes with detailed explanation to go with each one to remember why it is so important. Hope you enjoy reading through them 🙂
1. Everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that's the only time everything will be okay.
Nothing will be okay until you come to terms with who you are, what you want and what your ultimate goal in your life is. You need to set your priorities straight, and then each day wake up with the determination to achieve them all.
2. One thing I have learned in life is that it is important to be comfortable with uncertainty.
Life is undoubtedly a scary thing for us all. But what's the point in living the rest of our lives if we stay stuck in our comfort zones? We must therefore learn to take risks, and be brave enough to face life, fearless and strong. After all, uncertainty is what makes life that much more interesting and adventurous, to discover.
3. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. We receive from the world what we give to the world...
When you do good things in your life, good things will come back to you. The same applies to your thoughts. Think good, receive good. Actions and thoughts are equally important, because they shape your ultimate reality. Never underestimate the power of you. You have the power to be something great, or something not so great. At the end of the day, it's all in your hands - and once you realize this, you will understand why it's so much better to just be on the good side of things.
4. Hurting someone can be as easy as throwing a stone in the sea. But do you have any idea how deep that stone can go?
As human beings we often make mistakes and one of them includes causing hurt to others out of negative emotions such as anger and sadness. We may do this intentionally or unintentionally. But we hurt others when we are hurt, and sometimes we don't realize how deeply it can wound someone else.
5. Learning never exhausts the mind.
Learning is what keeps the human mind active. It makes you wonder and think about different possibilities, answers and solutions to life. It makes you question what life is all about. It's a big world out there and life is too short, and there's just so much to learn. So go and explore. You will never get tired of learning when you begin to see the reality and beauty of the world.
6. What makes things memorable is that they are meaningful, significant, colourful.
When you're in a dark place or bad mood in your life, don't you tend to remember things that add colour to your life? Perhaps a funny joke or someone who inspires you? Or perhaps, a meaningful hobby that you love to do because it distracts you, it helps you convert your sadness to happiness? Well, these things we remember more because they make us forget our tough times. They make life much easier for us. We can never forget such things; they are our escape, when there is no other escape. We value these things because they add value to our own life. We remember these things as the light in our dark times.
7. In order to really write, one has to sink deep into the self and become lost there.
In life so much happens that we as human beings will lose touch with reality, including ourselves. Sometimes when you lose yourself, you can't quite figure out who you are. You try to understand yourself, but you can't, because you're so lost and buried deep into some kind of mess. You find it hard to express yourself to other people because you think that nobody understands you - but the truth is how can they understand you if you can't understand you? and so... you eventually discover that the easiest way to express yourself is through self-expression in some form of art, maybe writing. You write to express your raw emotions, feelings and thoughts in words, on paper. And in this way, you begin to find yourself. You finally start to understand that you were born to be a writer.
8. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Throughout our lives we experience different moments that give us feelings of happiness/joy. Maybe it might be a fun day at a theme park with your family or simply spending some time with someone you love. It's these moments, which you wish lived forever because they are special to you. But don't be upset. Learn to accept embrace such moments and keep them as memories to cherish with a smile on your face. You can always build new moments and memories.
9. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Life is too short to take everything so seriously. Let go a little and live. Live your life to the fullest and find reasons to laugh more than reasons to cry. We all die in the end so what's the point in living a miserable life when you have the power to change that and just choose to be happy? Choose to take ownership of your life, because you never know when it might end. Make the most out of it. Make it count while you're here.
10. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.
As well as good days, there will also be bad days in your life. On these days it will be much tougher to get through your day for reasons personal to you (maybe it's depression or you're just suddenly feeling tired and lazy). You will experience these days silently. No one else will know this except you because it's an internal struggle. But as long as you keep reminding yourself "this too shall pass", you will be able to face the next day with a stronger mindset. You can and will succeed tomorrow. Keep telling yourself this. With every bad day, there comes a good day afterwards. You can get through it.
11. Everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
One thing that is certain about life is change. Everything and everyone changes, including you. Life is simply all about adapting to the changes and learning about them as you go along to become a better you. You must also learn to trust yourself in the process because if you keep relying on others to guide you, one day they might stop and turn their backs against you. So don't get too attached to people or situations because you never know when they might suddenly change; just be prepared for it. Let yourself embrace all of it and be ready to move forward from whatever downfall you may have to face.
12. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
If you ever find yourself in the middle of a huge list of problems in your life, don't think of it as the end of everything. Understand why you have those problems first, and then think about what you can do to overcome them. Use your problems as an opportunity to face them with courage and strength and fight through them. They won't last forever because you have the perfect capability to reduce your difficulties. You can do it.
13. There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.
As much as we like to help and improve others, we must not forget that there is a risk that our work and effort will turn out to be useless. We cannot be certain that our help will definitely improve someone else's universe, which is why sometimes we must take a step back and put some focus on ourselves. This is what we must learn to do. We have to take the time to give ourselves the help and support that we so freely give to others. We deserve our own help. We deserve to be better individuals.
14. The grass is not 'greener' on the other side - it is just another shade of green.
Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to other people? Your level of success, your looks, your personality, your everything? Well, stop that. For example you might think that someone is more successful than you, but it's actually just another 'shade' of success - think about it: maybe their success is smaller because they didn't work as hard as you did to attain your level of success. Or maybe their success is bigger because they worked harder than you, so now what's the point of comparing yourself to them if you know the obvious reason? So realize that you can work harder than you already are to reach the higher levels of success. It's not always a better shade on the other side of people's lives. You just don't know the undercover hard work that's been done. Stop comparing. Be better. Work harder. The more you achieve for yourself, the less you will need to compare.
15. The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.
At some point in your life you have or will have compared yourself to others who are more successful than you. This is normal because most people do it. The problem with this is that it is easy to do because people don't know the amount of hard work and effort that has been invested for someone to become successful and hence feeling insecure and less successful doesn't take much effort; the feeling just comes automatically and naturally. However... If you really take the time to observe someone's successful outcome, take a closer look behind the scenes (the amount of work hours, sleepless nights, emotional roller coasters, health issues, sacrifices they put in) - only then you will stop comparing yourself because if they can do it, then you can do it too.
16. If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If broken by an inside force, life begins. Great things always begin from the inside.
When it feels like you've lost so much in your life (it could be valuable time, friendships, money, sanity, anything) it doesn't mean that you're completely broken. Sometimes these things happen because of your lack of ability to deal with such things. Or maybe they happen for a much bigger purpose; to awaken you from the inside and to make you a much wiser person. Once you learn the inner lesson, your approach to life around you will be that much better. And hopefully, you will regain everything that you lost back but in a much better form.
17. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
Be grateful for everything that you currently have while you work for what you want. Remember you could lose it all within the space of a moment, so be humble and enjoy your achievements so far. Don't just hope for more, but work for it too.
18. It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
We often misunderstand things because as humans we are used to seeing things as they appear to be, instead of getting to the depth of what's really, deeply going on. In order to make sense of what you look at, you must see it deeply to make full sense of it, otherwise what you look at is only satisfying to your eyes. But when you see it for what it is, your soul feels more content because now you understand it more clearly.
19. And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
Once you have made a decision to do something, be it achieve a dream or pass an exam, you must be willing to do what it takes to achieve it. As long as you do so, the universe will never leave your side. It will help you manifest your ideas, dreams into reality by giving you the results from all your hard work. Just never give up because the universe got you!
20. Life is like a piano. The white keys represent happiness and the black shows sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys also make music.
What is life without a little bit of everything? Imagine if there was no sadness, how would we appreciate happiness? Therefore we need balance in life. Be thankful for the sad times, they can sometimes be a blessing to help you grow, and when the happy times come around, you would appreciate them more.
21. Until you realize how easily it is for your mind to be manipulated, you remain the puppet of someone else's game.
The mind is such a vulnerable place, it is easy to become influenced by others when we are not in control of our mind. Hence why it is so important to make sure that you're in control of your mind. Having a strong mindset means that you don't allow another to abuse your mind, possess it or control it in any way. You have power over it. When your mind is set, your life will be set too.
22. It is better to have a short meaningful life and make a difference than to have a useless long life and do absolutely nothing good or worthy.
Life is not just about living the same day, every day, by attending a 9-5 job, coming home, eating, then going to sleep. Nooooo! That's boring! That's not what life should be about! Life should be about finding out what your hobbies and passions are, and making time for them. Life is about exploring and making new discoveries. It's about finding yourself, and inspiring others as you journey through life. It's making great achievements along the way. That's what makes life more fun and meaningful.
23. Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.
Why ruin today by thinking about tomorrow which hasn't even arrived yet? Stop wasting your time worrying about tomorrow. Enjoy today. And when tomorrow comes, enjoy tomorrow. Always live in the present moment. Overthinking about the future doesn't make your present any better, it just stops you from making it great.
24. Yes, time flies, but sometimes you should also take your time.
It's true that time is ticking quickly but that does not mean that you should do your work quickly too. Don't rush. Time is time. If you take the time to do great work, the rewards will pay off in the end and you will enjoy it for longer. But if you rush then that means you're not putting enough effort or attention to detail, and therefore the rewards won't be as great as you want them to be, or at least, they won't last too long. Take pride in what you do. And have faith that in the right time, you will get to witness the miracles of your efforts.
25. The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go...
Reading gives you knowledge and can even expand your mind into thinking outside the box. Don't underestimate the power of reading and learning. It's very empowering and can change your life.
I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post! Don't forget to comment down below your opinions and thoughts about it. Thank you in advance.
39 Inspirational Quotes On Determination To Help You Power Up
When you wake up with determination to accomplish your goals, you are able to go to sleep with satisfaction. It's the feeling that you have done what you set out to do which makes you feel good about yourself. Here are 39 quotes to help you stay determined! Hope you enjoy reading through them. 🙂
1. The barrier during self-improvement is not so much that we hate learning, rather we hate being taught. To learn entails that the knowledge was achieved on one's own accord - it feels great - but to be taught often leaves a feeling of inferiority. Thus it takes a bit of determination and a lot of humility in order for one to fully develop.
2. Your ability to shape your destiny is directly proportional to your belief that it is a matter of will and determination - however much or little that belief may be.
3. Are you desperate or determined? With desperation comes frustration. With determination comes purpose, achievement, and peace...
4. Most of life's actions are within our reach, but decisions take willpower.
5. Life's trials will test you, and shape you, but don't let them change your values.
6. What you perceive as a failure today may actually be a crucial step towards the success you seek. Never give up
7. You don't have to get it perfect, you just have to get it going.
8. Determine that the thing can and shall be done and then... find the way.
9. No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or remain unsaved.
10. There is strange comfort in knowing that no matter what happens today, the sun will rise again tomorrow.
11. Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.
12. The world's greatest achievers have been those who have always stayed focussed on their goals and have been consistent in their efforts.
13. The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don't wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.
14. Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.
15. The thing that contributes to anyone's reaching the goal he wants is simple wanting that goal badly enough.
16. Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.
17. Impossible situations can become possible miracles.
18. Tough times never last but tough people do.
19. Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
20. The only lack or limitation is in your own mind.
21. Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then you shall find the way.
22. All limits are self imposed.
23. It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.
24. Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.
25. Determination that just won't quit - that's what it takes.
26. Times of great calamity and confusion have been productive for the greatest minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace. The brightest thunder bolt is elicited from the darkest storm.
27. You can do anything you think you can. This knowledge is literally the gift of the Gods, for through it you can solve every human problem. It should make of you an incurable optimist. It is the open door.
28. You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.
29. if someone says can't, that shows you what to do.
30. Be determined to handle any challenge in a way that will make you grow.
31. Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done.
32. Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools.
33. Practice easing your way along...do your best; take it as it comes. You can handle anything if you think you can. Just keep your cool.
34. To the timid soul, nothing is possible.
35. In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of effort is the measure of the results.
36. Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.
37. There is nothing impossible to him who will try.
38. The manner in which one endures what must be endured is more important than the thing that must be endured.
39. When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you're trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low and the debts are high and you want to smile, but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit, rest! If you must - but never quit.
What does determination mean to you? Leave a comment below!
31 Deep Quotes About Power That Will Make You Think Differently
We live in a world which is controlled by power. Sometimes power is very much abused yet people don't know this. Everyone possesses some kind of power within them. Are you using your power correctly? Here are 31 quotes about power which will help you reflect on your own power, enjoy. : )
1. Self-control is true power.
2. The pen and the written word hold a great deal of power.
3. We cannot turn the clock back nor can we undo the harm caused, but we have the power to determine the future and to ensure that what happened never happens again.
4. Knowledge is power: if you know how to take care of yourself, you can be a better version of yourself.
5. You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
6. Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: the potential for greatness lives within each of us.
7. The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.
8. This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive.
9. Always keep your mind as bright and clear as the vast sky, the great ocean, and the highest peak, empty of all thoughts. Always keep your body filled with light and heat. Fill yourself with the power of wisdom and enlightenment.
10. Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness.
11. Personality has power to uplift, power to depress, power to curse, and power to bless.
12. No matter what has happened to you in the past or what is going on in your life right now, it has no power to keep you from having an amazingly good future if you just keep working at it.
13. Success isn't measured by money or power or social rank. Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace.
14. Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.
15. The root of all evil is abuse of power.
16. Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.
17. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.
18. Words, without power, is mere philosophy.
19. No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for 'we' are the only thinkers in our mind. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.
20. No one is you and that is your power.
21. Power is given only to those who dare to lower themselves and pick it up. Only one thing matters, one thing; to be able to dare.
22. Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
23. It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.
24. To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.
25. Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.
26. Never underestimate the power of confidence. If you believe you're the dopest thing walking, you might convince people of the same just because you're so headstrong about it as a fact.
27. You will never know the power of yourself until life burns you.
28. If you want to know the real character of a person, give them power and see what they do...
29. The measure of a man is what he does with power.
30. Knowledge is power, understanding is using it, wisdom is controlling it, magic is knowing how.
31. The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
What are your thoughts on power. Let me know in the comments below
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